AWAYLS SMILE!

This was written on one of my middle school student's notebooks this evening. It seems to me to be a perfect motto for me to adopt while I am living in Asia. I think I've had similar life mottos in the past, but I've never spelled them so perfectly.

This utter sense of optimism, mixed with a well-intentioned attempt to use the English language is the reason my soul is awalys smiling over here - and a big part of the reason I'm not ready to come home yet.

Another great moment: I had a kid attempt to say the word "pronunciation" over eight times in class, and with a delicious amount of irony, he never could pronounce it correctly. We were reading guidelines for reading and the same kid read the sentences, "Never speak too quickly. Try to speak at a natural pace," so fast he sounded like an auctioneer on amphetamines. I actually asked him if he knew what the word "irony" meant - he just blankly smiled and said, "Teacher no." (author's sidenote: the word irony was one of our vocab words last month - I don't think he's been studying too hard)

Most of the stories I share here have to do with my life outside of the walls of the school I work at. I thought you might enjoy a few stories from the front lines...

Much love from Seoul

Meat, Smoke and Me

My school had an outing to the countryside two weekends ago. We all went out to the mountains (teachers, bus drivers, administration - no kids) and played a bunch of soccer and kickball, ate some real good food and did some karaoke singing once the sun went down. It was a stellar time. At the end of the night, I was handed a little bonus that I used to pay for half of a brand new, full-size Weber grill from Costco.

Those of you that know me well, will understand how important having a grill is to me. The lack of an available grill has been one of the only downsides to living in Korea, and the problem has now been fixed.

Assembling my new, shiny grill in the alley, I couldn't help but smile. I knew what kind of joy and culinary fulfillment this tool will bring to my life in the next 10 months I spend here. I have never owned a new grill - I've always hand-me-downs and garage sale grills. This grill is perfect. I am also a little excited about the fact that I am only going to use the grill for 10 months, so I can abuse the hell out of it.

I have now had the grill for a total of eight days, and already I have grilled three times: KC strips, peppers and potatoes the first night, beer-can chickens on Friday, and ribs, asparagus spears and potatoes last night. I believe I have already gotten my moneys worth out of the grill and it has hardly been a week.

The grilling season has officially begun here in Seoul. I have gotten some looks from people in the alley who wonder what exactly is going on inside the smoky black orb surrounded by strange foreigners, but as I have said many times on this blog, people look at me weird wherever I go and whatever I do, so I have become pretty comfortable with the quizzical glares.

I am so happy about the new world of grilling that has been opened up to me here in Korea. I think I might be able to end this damn skirmish with the North if only I can get some of my beer-can chickens, covered in Gates rub and sauce across the border to Kim Jong-Il and his people and let them taste what freedom tastes like...

Much love from Seoul

Perspective

I spent the night down in Onyang last night to help send off Mr. Atwood in style. He's back to Bushtopia on Wednesday. It's always great to get out of the city for a while and hike through the mountains, eat some Korean barbecue and black out at different bars. It's been great having a friend living outside of Seoul to go visit and I will miss having him around to chill with.

We had a discussion a few weeks ago about how weird it will be to try to relay certain stories to friends back home. We both agreed that as the culture shock has worn off, our perceptions of what is "normal" have totally changed.

At first, I found it very weird to see grown men in business suits at 7:00 p.m., hunched over, too drunk to stand, on a main road, holding a bottle of soju in one hand and their cock with the other, urinating. As crazy is it may sound, this is now somewhat commonplace to me.

One of the first things I noticed in Seoul was the overwhelming stench of fish. There are fish markets in every alley. The smell of frying fish wafts through the halls of my apartment building from morning until night. I found it incredibly repulsive when I first arrived, but now I am totally used to it.

There is a theory in psychology that states that the brain will receive sensation stimuli and notice them when they first appear, until a stimulus has been around for a while and then your brain will stop noticing it. Even though a certain smell, sound or sight is in your surrounding environment, you will stop taking notice of it. I guess this describes what has happened with the fish smell and I think it is a good metaphor to describe my overall outlook on Korea. Things that once made my eyes open wide have now become things that I don't even notice.

I was baffled at first by four-year-olds with cell phones, street vendors selling dairy products and rat poison out of the same cooler, throw up on the street, Korean kids using their fingers to give themselves "slanty" eyes and mock the Chinese and Japanese, girls dressed in cheerleader outfits dancing in front of furniture stores trying to bring people into the store, people eating silkworm larvae on the street like candy and many other countless things. As time has passed however, these oddities have just become a part of my day-to-day life and I have grown fully accustomed to them.

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In other news, this week I got my tickets to go the Fuji Rock Festival in Japan for this summer. So far the lineup includes: Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Yo La Tengo, The Shins, The Cure, Iggy Pop, Feist, Gov't Mule and others. My li'l sis is going to be visiting around then and the two of us are going to check out the festival. The atmosphere is supposed to be incredible and I think it will be a great time. I am already pretty excited for it even though it's not until the end of July.

Other than that, life is good in Korea. I have been a little bit lazy with this blog lately, but I am hoping to add entries with a little more regularity from now on. I've been doing a lot of writing lately on a little side project of short stories I am doing. I'm hoping to have some of those ready to send out via e-mail to some of you all. I think you will be pleasantly entertained.

Much love from Seoul

words

I am employed and valued in this country because of my ability to speak the English language. English is very important to the people of South Korea. They see it as a way to be accepted into the global community of both business and media, thus almost everyone studies it. Obviously, Korean is the main language of Korea, but English is everywhere. Everywhere!



This happens to be great for me since I really don't speak much Korean (and read even less.) The Starbuck's menu is fully in English, the subway system is all labeled in Korean and I can always find someone on the street who speaks enough English to help me when I am having problems. This definitely helped ease me into this crazy land when I found myself quite culture shocked when I first arrived. Although the majority of the time it is helpful, I also find that a lot of the time it is there for mere decoration. The status and outward appearance of an establishment becomes much more sophisticated and hip if its name is written in English - regardless of what those words are. A lot of places will have a motto written in English, using so many long and loaded words that the saying almost loses all meaning to a native English speaker. Please allow me to give a few examples.





This is a clothing store in Itaewon. I think this is one of the best names for a store ever. I can't imagine a better way to get you point across and tell the consumer the benefit of using your product in such a direct manner. If you want to look fucking lovely, I suggest you make a trip to Seoul and I can show you a store that can help you out. Another good name is "Pink Fanny." I think they are also a clothing store. Those of you international and astute readers will remember that "fanny" is British slang for vagina. My British friends get a big kick out of that place.

TN is a brewery that I drink at as often as I can. TN stands for "Taste Noble," which really means nothing but it does have the word "taste" in it which means something and "noble" which makes me think my taste buds will be in the company of royalty as I drink their beer. Above is TN's motto, which adorns the elevator that takes you up to their pub. I am still waiting for a brewer with inferior ales to come rushing through the door and the brewers and waiters at TN will pull out swords and fight to ensure that they do not surrender their satisfication to the world. I still have no idea what they mean when they call themselves "the name of the new challenge." The place makes the best beer in Korea though, and for now I will attest to the fact that they have at least never surrendered their satisfaction to me.

I want to be clear here that I could literally walk around Seoul and take pictures all day finding ridiculous English phrases and names around every corner. Like I said, English is everywhere and obviously, not all English teachers are as skilled as me.

One place where I find a special amount of irony in products covered in silly English is at my school. Our children are supposed to be learning all about the English language and how to use it to communicate correctly. The clothing that is worn and the school supplies that are bought contain English that is so atrocious I sometimes wonder if I am getting anything across to them. Again, I could take pictures for weeks and still not fully catalog all of the ridiculous English contained within the walls of my school, but here is one fine example of over-usage of the English language by someone who doesn't fully have command of it:

This box was given to me on Valentine's Day by one of my students. It was full of little candies and it was very sweet of her to have brought it. However, I am still pondering the exact message she was trying to get across to me. I think the overall vibe of the words is easy to decipher, but the overall meaning gets lost on me. I asked one of my Korean co-teachers what it meant and she launched into an explanation of the word "beacon" and how lighthouses are used to help ships avoid the coast. I politely explained that being a native speaker, I actually understood every word contained within the phrase, but was wondering if she could explain what the words meant as a whole. She intently stared at them for a few moments and then said she had no idea. She has since come to me asking me what certain English phrases mean, and I have yet to be able to understand a single one.

Pencil cases and notebooks are full of these nonsensical phrases. "Happy friend that hugs the love at the other friend time happyness gathering of intimacy." "My thoughts and donuts are all on paper of genius computer." "dogs cute fuzzy smile on cat hair belly love."

I guess I would compare the English usage in this country to the old "Yo Quiero Taco Bell" dog in the States. Everybody knows enough spanish to understand that in America; everybody has at least some basic phrases under their belt ("Yo quiero una cervesa y dos tacos por favor," "Donde esta la mota?") To a native spanish speaker I am sure that the phrase may not hold that much meaning, but to those of us with the late night munchies, the little chihuahua that could speak Spanish sent us straight on a course to Taco Bell. Maybe the companies hope that their usage of English phrases over here will have the same effect on their local market.

I am very appreciative of the fact that English is so prevalent over here. It's the reason I am able to be here and it makes my life much easier - and quite frankly provides me with non-stop laughs.

Hope all is well with all of y'all

Love from Seoul