The Good Times are Killing Me

I don't like to complain, but I've had some pretty shitty days lately and for some reason I always feel better when I lodge a complaint and send it into this abyss we call the internet. If you aren't in the mood to hear somebody bitch, this may be the wrong place for you.

For those of you that know me well, you know how important cooking is to me. There are very few things in life that give me as much pleasure as gathering some friends and cooking a big meal for everybody to enjoy together. I attempted to do just that on Sunday night.

There was a big English football match. Two of my good friends over here cheer on the Tottenham Hotspurs and they were matched up against perrenial powerhouse Manchester United. Even though I may not be the biggest "football" fan (we call it soccer,) I was excited to be a part of that sporting atmosphere. Some of the all-time favorite days of my life have been days involving big sporting matchups. They provide a time to get together with friends, have some drinks and join together in pursuit of a common goal - blacking out after the game ends. Regardless of how much I cared about the outcome of the game, I was excited for the event.

We all assembled downstairs and went shopping for chickens together. It had been a while since we last cooked beer-can chickens so we decided to do a round of them. I got the grill going and suddenly, two irate older Koreans showed up. They were talking down to me like I was a second -class citizen. The went on a tirade and one of the only words I understood was "police." Within minutes the police were there, telling me that I couldn't grill because the neighbors were complaining it smelled.

Allow me to bitch. My cooking smells delicious. We hadn't even gotten any food on the grill - there was only the smell of charcoal - and it smelled better than any alley I've been in in Korea. To get a better idea of what Korea smells like, follow these simple instructions:

1. Get a blender
2. Inside the blender, place a diaper full of shit, a cat that has been dead long enough to begin rotting and bigfoot's dick
3. Either blend or puree, depending on the desired consistency

This should give you a pretty good, tangible idea of how Korea smells. Considering that this is the smell I have been living with for more than the last 11 months, you might understant that I was absolutely flabbergasted to have an old man tell me that I was ruining the delightful aroma of his beloved neighborhood.

One of the worst parts of this whole exchange was the fact that the man and woman were ranting and raving to the police and, as expected, they were using Korean. I was given no chance to defend myself or my actions. I knew that the language barrier would make it impossible to get my point across well enough to persuade the police to allow the barbecue to continue. It was a situation where other people were ruining my evening and there was nothing I could do about it.

After a horrible evening on Sunday, I was almost looking forward to waking up on Monday morning for school. My intensive classes are all over which means I have to be at school a whole lot less and get to go in a whole lot later. Things were looking up - until I woke up.

I awoke to find my hands and feet covered in little zit-like bumps, boils and rashes. They were itchy like chicken pox, red and gross. The pharmacy offered little help, so I thought I could just wait it out and they would go away. I awoke this morning with twice as many bumps and they have now moved to my back, knees, theighs and stomach - as well as multiplying in the aforementioned places.

I was way skeptical of seeing a Korean doctor, but at the urging of my boss, I decided it may be time to do so. The doctor had trouble communicating with me. I told him I thought the outbreak had been caused by a batch of bad tuna. I asked him for Benadryl and he told me that he would prescribe me the next best thing.

When I got to the pharmacy, the pharmacist told me that the doctor had given me the wrong thing. "This will not help," she said. "You need more than this for your problems. This won't do at all." So I've got a pharmacist who speaks my language and has access to pills she can't give me, and a doctor who doesn't speak my languge who has access to pills he won't give me.

Korea has really been beating the shit out me for the last few days. I would fight back, but my hands are too swollen with little mystery bumps to make a fist.So now, here I sit in Asia, barbecueless and itchy, hoping that things get better. And it sure seems to me like they will, because I can't imagine things getting much worse...

Much love from Seoul

All Dogs Go to Heaven

In my stories class that I have been teaching this month, I have been reading three different books with a crew of second graders. The first was a mystery, the second was non-fiction about famous pairs throughout history and the third, which we are reading right now, is a book about a boy who transforms into a dog while playing a video game.

There are some words and concepts in the book that are kind of hard to explain but I have been doing my best. One of the biggest problems we have encountered as a group is, although the book is aimed at early readers, it assumes that the reader is proficient in understanding American culture. I have had to explain a few things that we take for granted as normal, everyday facts of life. But one boy threw a cultural confusion back in my face and actually made me laugh out loud - and none of the other kids laughed because they thought his idea was legitimate. Kinda awkward.

So, the main character in our book is at a video arcade until he morphs into a dog. He is kicked out of the arcade and takes refuge at the local park until he is caught by the dogcatcher. The dogcatcher takes him to the pound (it took a while to explain what that was) and throws him in a cage with a few other dogs. The boy/dog is scared and confused and asks one of the other dogs, "Will they let me go?" To which the other dog replies, "Sure they'll let you go...to the great dog house in the sky."

So I ask if they know what this means. I get lots of guesses but no one is even close. Then a girl guesses that it is a happy place and a big place where dogs can run free. I agree with her but then start to explain the concept of heaven a little bit. A few faces light up with understanding and then instantly turn to horror when they realize that our main character will have to die if he goes there. This sparks a ton of questions and concerns for our main character. A few girls in the back of the room were close to crying.

As I'm trying to calm everyone down and explain that he will probably find a way out, one boy throws his hand up. I call on him and he asks, "After they kill dogs at the pound do they eat them?" I was stunned. I honestly laughed hard for a few seconds until I could catch myself. No one else was laughing. I composed myself and explained that there aren't very many people in America that would eat dog - especially a dog at the pound.

I could tell my answer had done nothing to satisfy his curiousity, but I wasn't about to explain further. I had no idea how to explain to a young child how repulsive some people in the world find his culture's habit of eating dogs. It was just one of those incidents that caught me so off guard that I hardly knew what to do.

This class, along with my other extra classes, ends this upcoming Thursday. Four more days of a grueling schedule and then I return to my charmed Asian existence...

Much love from Seoul

Fuji Rock Fest Pics (pt. II)

I've allowed the memories to reverberate through my head. I've let the musical performances marinate in my brain and I have gained some perspective on them. And I've waited much too long to create this post. Here goes...

Tunes

The music was fantastic. Hopefully most of you have seen the Shins video I posted on youtube. If not check it out (there's a link a few posts down.) I got to see an equally sweet and intimate show with Grace Potter and her band, the Nocturnals.

I have been digging on Grace's music as of late and I was really excited to see her live. Unfortunately, the jackasses that lined up the schedule had her playing her one set of music at the same exact time as Feist. We all wanted to see Feist, so it looked like I wouldn't get a chance to see one of my favorite bands at the festival. Then we found out about these acoustic sets that were taking place at these little booths all over the grounds. The Grace Potter one started a little after midnight (right after a killer Beastie Boys set.) There was hardly anyone there when we get there 10 minutes before they started. I sat down right in the front row next to the bass player's girlfriend.

They were pretty drunk, but not too drunk to play. They were rocking acoustic instruments. At one point the drummer was playing a drum solo on those metal columns you can see behind him. Obviously, there were many reasons to go to this festival, but the most important in my mind was the music. I miss live music over here so much it hurts. A show like this Grace Potter show allowed me to be living and breathing live music. I could hear the voices coming out of thier mouths over voices coming out of the speakers. She has an incredibly soulfoul voice and they blew me away. I could hear the wrong notes and the on-stage banter as they rocked my soul. These small shows were one of the really cool and unique parts of my weekend. It is not very often you can be up close and personal with your favorite bands.

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah played an equally good but totally different kind of set. They were on a stage called the Red Marquee in the last time slot of the weekend on that stage. It was the only indoor venue at the festival. We tried to get there early, but it was already packed when we arrived almost fifteen minutes before they started. We pushed our way to the front and I thought we were pretty close. Then the lights went down and there was a huge surge forward. The mob behind us pushed us forward another 10 feet.

Thankfully, CYHSY relied heavily on their first album, playing almost every song I wanted to hear. The crowd was way responsive to them. I was amazed with how many Japanese people there were around me that spoke little to no English, that knew every word to every song. It was cool. It also happened a lot at the Shins show. All the people around me were singing along with every song. I guess it shows the Japanese have good taste in music.

CYHSY had the crowd going for over an hour, but then it was time to end the show. They played one more, said the obligatory "Arigato" and headed towards the tour bus. The crowd was screaming for more. Then they turned on the houselights, the international symbol for "show's over." The crowd only got louder. Next, some Japanese stagehands came out and started unplugging the keyboards. The crowd got louder still. Finally they gave in and came back out. They looked just as surprised as I was at the love the Asian crowd was showing them.

There was some muttering on stage and then I heard, "this is not our song." A few chords later, it was quite apparent that they were playing "Helpless" by Neil Young. It was a magical moment for me. I had goosebumps and closed my eyes. I was in the Japanese hillside, I was seeing some incredible music and life is a pretty good thing.

Other music highlights:

Deerhoof was the big surprise of the weekend for me. I have listened to a little of their music, but their live show was amazing. They were all three incredible musicians. Their songs were incredibly layered for a band with only three members. Their music is as fun as it is mindblowing. I was smiling most of the time they were on stage.

Feist did a killer set as well. She played a huge portion of her new album and a smattering of some old numbers. Her band was good and she was electric. She has a strong and confident stage presence while maintaining her demureness. There was a small but very appreciative crowd in attendance at her show and you could tell she was enjoying herself. I could have watched her for another hour, but she only had a fifty-minute time slot.

Peter Bjorn and John, Lily Allen, The Beastie Boys, !!!, Marva Whitney, Elena James and the Hot Club of Cowtown (from KC,) and a few cool Japanese bands rounded out the weekend. I went for the music and left a happy customer.

People and Scenery

The people were incredibly Japanese - polite, helpful and good-spirited. Everyone I encountered seemed chill. A few favorites:

This guy was one of my favorites of the weekend. He had a basketful of raw coffee beans to his left. He was roasting them in this machine and then letting them cool next on his right. There were a few hippie Japanese chicks behind a counter that kept coming out to grab beans to grind and brew into the some of the most delicious organic coffee I have ever tasted. We spent some time chilling in the tent that housed the coffee house. I had three cups of coffee on Sunday morning because it was so good.

At the back of a stage called the Field of Heaven, the festival employed the professional lighting help from a few lads just like this guy. They stood at the back with huge reflectors on their chest and they danced/swayed/tried not to fall over to the music. They all had different colored lights aimed at their torsos. The lights danced all over big clothes overhead. It provided a spectacular light show and made for some good eye candy.

One of the coolest things I encountered was the disco-ball forest. During the day, it looked cool, but it night it became delightful.

Bright spotlights pointed at the balls created hundreds of light rays streaming throughout the woods. It was a sight to behold. I found it hard to capture the essence of a forest lit up like a discotheque on camera, but I tried my damndest.

I had high hopes for my trip to Japan. And to be honest, the trip couldn't have gone much better. There were a few minor problems and inconveniences, but I found it to be a perfect introduction to Japan and its people. The concert was perfect and my time in Tokyo made me want to move there.

I signed a new contract yesterday that has me staying in Korea until the end of February - then it looks like I'm back to the States. Even though it's another six months, I feel in some ways like I've hit the home stretch. Until then, just know that I'm sending...

Much love from Seoul

homeless

I still plan on doing a big Fui Rock Fest recap on here, but with the extra summer intensive courses I have been teaching, I spend a lot less time at home in front of a computer and frankly have a lot less energy once I do get there. Plus I've been drinking a lot lately.

Which brings me to a story I would like to share with you. I found myself in an interesting situation last Sunday night through Monday night. I went for bloody mary's last Sunday and got quite inebriated. I found myself in a cab with a few people and a few beers around 1:30 in the morning. I pulled my keys out of my pocket to use the bottle opener that clings to my key ring. We got to a girl's apartment and kept drinking and had some delicious pesto bagel concoction that was a beautiful early morning breakfast. Once the time came, I left the apartment and headed to the street to hail a cab home.

Once I got home, I stumbled up the four flights of stairs and got to my door. Swaying back and forth, I discovered that my keys were not in my pocket. This would be a problem for anyone in any country, but for me, in Korea, at 3am early on a Monday morning I was in a pretty desperate situation. I have no cell phone. No one that I know has a copy of my key. I was sweaty, drunk, alone and homeless in Asia.

I started knocking on doors of my co-workers and found one who, thankfully for me, had just come down with a bad case of tonsilitis. He was awake, unable to sleep and coughing. I pieced a few different pieces of furniture together to form an L-shaped "bed" and passed out for a five-hour nap before I had to go to work.

Since I couldn't get into my apartment, I figured I would go to work in the same clothes that I had been wearing the night before and then come home at lunch for a shower and a change of clothes. I splashed a little cold water on my face in my co-workers apartment, said thanks for the place to sleep and headed to Starbuck's. I bought a cup of coffee and got on the subway. I felt hungover, sweaty and gross. I was surrounded by Asian businessmen and businesswomen. They were wearing custom-tailored suits and fashionable dresses as they read today's newspaper and prepared for the workweek. Now, I feel out of place quite often in Korea, but this was a time where I felt like a vagrant homeless man that was ruining the professional ambiance of the morning subway commute. As I wallowed in my sorrows as a feral ex-pat in Korea, one of the nicely dressed businessmen stepped in front of me to queue up to get off the train. As nice as his black suit was it could not hide the gigantic stain of bird shit that had been dropped on his shoulder. I couldn't help but get a wide grin across my face. Never have a been happier about somebody else getting shit on. I usually don't enjoy other people's pain, but this was different. That bird shit really cheered me up. As stinky as I may have been, at least there was no feces on my clothes - I knew I had that going for me and I was looking for something positive to hold on to.

Once I got to work I asked my boss to call my landlord and see if he could unlock my door for me. As it turned out, he was out of town and on his way home. He said he would unlock my door, but he wouldn't be back in Seoul until around 7:00 pm. I had to work all day in the clothes I had worn to a luncheon with work on Sunday, at the bar that same night and while I slept in a warm, muggy apartment. I smelled like bar. Sweaty, smoky bar.

Needless to say, the shower I took once I got home that night was one of the best I have ever had in my life. After a long shower, I fell into bed thankful that I was finally home. It is still a strange concept to me that this apartment is my "home," but an experience like this really makes me appreciate this little corner of the world that I call my own.

I have learned my lesson. I have decided that it makes sense to copy my key and have somebody hold onto it for me in case of emergency. Also, I am never going to drink ever again.

Much love from Seoul

Live Acoustic Shins

The Shins did a killer two-song acoustic set on a small side stage early in the afternoon on Sunday. The opened with "Australia" and then did this sweet version of "Turn on Me." They were playing to a crowd of about sixty to a hundred people, so the performance had a nice intimate feel to it and we were fortunate enough to be in the front row.

I can't really figure out how to get the video to embed, so just follow this link. Watch until the end to see me going crazy with excitement:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGx7FKAdpa4

Fuji Rock Fest Pics (pt. I)

It's been a long weekend and I got home not all that long ago. I was drinking a cup of espresso in Tokyo this morning and I am now home in Seoul this evening. I plan on posting lots of pics and sharing stories from the weekend tomorrow, but I thought I might share a few pics now before I hit the hay...

I had a stellar weekend. We met the Shins and got a picture with them. I ate Kobe beef at a Japanese steak house. I spent the weekend in the mountains of Japan and it was as close to a perfect weekend as one can have. I have lots more to share, so stay tuned...

Much love from Seoul (and Tokyo)