Oink Oink

Happy New Year! It's now the year of the Pig here in Asia, which for me means extra helpings of bacon with my breakfast and five days off of work. I spent the break playing tennis, traveling around Seoul and drinking heavily. A few highlights:

My co-workers and I discovered a restaurant called "Carne Station." I'm all the way in Korea, but my extensive knowledge of the Spanish language (I only flunked one Spanish class in college) helped me to decipher that this restaurant would have lots of meat. However, I was not prepared for everything else that would come along with a visit to Carne Station. As you walk in the door, you are charged about $23 US and then sat at a table with a grill in the middle - typical for Korean barbecue restaurants. They have a huge buffet line with all sorts of meats, side items, pastas, soups, kimbabs, breads, rice, sauces and ice cream - an array definitely worth the $23 entrance fee. The food was impressive, but here's the kicker: the fee also includes beverage. They have my favorite Korean beer on tap, Red Rock, as well as a myriad of wine and liquors. I drank way more than $23 worth of booze and believe there is a good chance I ate more than $23 worth of food. I'm pretty sure the maitre'd cringed when she saw me walk in. She was well-aware that they would be losing money on letting me in the door. I will definitely be returning to Carne Station.

On Sunday, Atwood and I got some beers and ordered some archived KU games off ESPN Full Court. We ordered the Nebraska game which had aired only a few hours earlier. Neither of us knew the outcome of the game so it was pretty fun to watch. It made me feel like I was at home. All that was missing was the barbecue, the Boulevard and the bowls. The Hawks beat the Huskers up and down the court like they were playing a middle school team. March Madness, here we come!

I also took this opportunity of some time off to check out the COEX Aquarium in Seoul. It is supposed to be really impressive. The first room of the aquarium made me regret paying to enter. They had fish that looked like the fish you were given in second grade as a party favor from the rich kid when you went to his birthday party. And at the back of the room they had a small terrarium with a chipmunk in it - a fucking chipmunk! The experience did improve, however. There were electric eels, sharks, massive sting rays, large and small lizards, elegant jelly fish, etc. It didn't motivate me to become a marine biologist or anything, but it ended up being a fun way to waste an afternoon.

Again, Happy New Year! I've been preparing some photo essays for some future bloggings. I have been collecting silly English (which is everywhere,) pictures of Korean food and am always on the lookout for other eye candy I think y'all may enjoy. Stay posted...

Love from Seoul

I'm a Murderer

I did it again. I killed a student. I came to Korea with the best of intentions, but I can't help my cultural ignorance and I've killed a minimum of three students. Allow me to explain.

The names of the dead in Korea have historically been written in the color red. I, being a teacher who does large amounts of grading during classes, generally carry a red pen with me at all times. So if I find myself in a grading situation where students are lining up at my desk or tossing their workbooks on my desk, I sometimes get confused about whose work is whose, and I will non-chalantly write the student's name on their work with my red pen. This simple act has been met with screams ( I am not exaggerating here, I have made children scream) when the student sees I have written down their name in red.

At first I thought it was a joke - a student was trying to play a prank on me, but it became very evident to me that this was no laughing matter. The first incident involved a student who I have had since my first days here. She is a sweet and intelligent and very involved during lessons in a class full of jokesters. We get a lot of work done during class because the students are very smart, but we also laugh a lot because it is a class full of big personalities. This student handed in her homework without a name and when I asked whose it was, she raised her hands and said it was hers so I wrote her name on it (in red.) She freaked out. She ripped the paper out of my hand and was visibly uncomfortable. I had placed her name among the names of the dead and really the only thing left for her to do is wait for the Reaper. And why is she going to die? Because her teacher is moron.

There does appear to be a way to fix this problem. The few times I have slipped and committed this faux pas - if the student is willing to spend a few minutes using a pencil or pen to cover the red so the name appears to be written in any color other than red - then the Grim Reaper my not be able to decipher the fact that they are on the list of the dead and they may be safe.

I have realized how much this actually scares the kids, so I go way out of my way not to do it. But if I do slip, I always allow them to fix my blunder. The student will be mentally out of class until I allow them to correct my mistake (by coloring over the red with a pen or pencil) and they feel safe again. I just hope none of these kids really end up dying in some weird mishap like that movie where those students cheated death by not getting on a plane and then the plane crashed and then death came after them with a vengeance - and then the parents will blame me for "murdering" their children and this blog will act as a confession in court.

I make little cultural blunders regularly, but as far as I know, this is the only one that results in death, so I'm really working on not doing it anymore.

Before I sign off, I want to send some congratulations back to America. Not to the Rowe-Borum wedding party, not to the Jayhawks for kicking MU's ass, but to Ted Haggard. This blog has given him a hard time once or twice, but I feel he deserves a hardy congratulations for becoming ungay. He has completed his three-week stint in not-gay rehab and I'm glad to see he is ready to return to the church. It's great to see a man go from the depths of sin - smoking meth with male prostitutes - lift himself out of those depths and return to normal, non-gay society. Now he can finally lead a normal heterosexual life of smoking meth with female prostitues. Way to go Teddy! You are an inspiration for all.

Love from Seoul

Kyle: Cultural Learnings of Korea for Make Benefit

This morning, at the Dongjak cultural arts center in Seoul, South Korea, a thespian performance of epic proportions went down. The kindergarten class from my academy is preparing to graduate in a few weeks and their play/dance show today was one of their final activites together as a class. They have been practicing for weeks and this morning was the culmination of all of their hardwork.

I teach older kids, so I don't see the kindergarteners much (except for when I am playing Santa Clause) so today was a good chance for me to witness them in all of their cuteness. There were some incredibly goofy shows and some silly moments where mistakes were made. The whole show was done in a kindergarten/Korean-style English, so large portions were not understood by me (or the Korean-speaking crowd.) There was the story of the 3 Billy Goats Gruff, the Lion King, Chicken Little, etc. In between the plays there were elaborate dance routines. The dances were well-choreographed and all of the children were in crazy costumes - the kind of costumes you would expect to see in off-Broadway shows. I was both impressed and shocked. And then, a dance routine came on that blew me away and helped open a window into the mindset of the Korean culture: a dance routine done by four-and-five-year-olds where they were shaking their hips, gyrating their booties and doing other various dance moves that I would deem innappropriate for high schoolers.

As risque as the dance was, it was nothing compared to the outfits being worn. The boys were wearing what may be termed in Korea as "b-boy" wear, but the girls were wearing short, short skirts and tops that were essentially two strings and a strap. I made the comment that if I have a daughter some day, the only reason I can see her wearing a similar outfit is if she comes of age, gets kicked out of my house for excessive cocaine use and multiple stints in jail and is forced to take a job at a strip club to help make ends meet. Until then, she will wear an outfit like the four-year-olds were wearing over my dead body. I was literally speechless when these girls walked onto the stage.

As I said, this incident allowed me to gain a little perspective on Korean culture. Since I don't understand the language, I take a lot of cues from body language and outward appearances. I was shocked by the routine and outfits, but I was equally shocked by the parents' and teachers' reaction to the outfits - nothing but smiles. The parents clearly thought the outfits were as cute as the duck outfits worn in the "Ugly Duckling." When one of my American coworkers questioned one of the Korean coworkers about the slutty outfits, she responded with a baffled look. She explained that the dance they were doing was adult so it was only appropriate for them to wear clothes that were suitable for the performance.

Sexual attitudes change from culture to culture and I've been interested in Korean sexual attitudes since I arrived here. I have seen many a Korean lady who I would like to do "further socialogical studies" with, if you catch my drift. There is a weird combination of sexual openness and sexual repression that occurs all at once. The Korean woman is a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a quagmire. Today, the incident with the kids made me aware of a wider cultural thinking and hopefully a window into the Korean woman's psyche. I think I learned that what is shown on a superficial level (i.e.- slutty outfits in a bar) is sometimes just a reflection of what is seen as appropriate for the situation, not necessarily an invitation. In a bar on a Friday night, the Korean female feels that it is expected of her to dress up and appear sexy - and this is in no way an indication that she desires sex. Whereas, on a Friday night in a bar, the Kyle feels that it is expected of him to check out the girls dressed up and appearing sexy - and this is definitely an indication that he is good to go at any minute. So different, but yet so similar.

Jagshemash and Love from Seoul