Amigos del Republico de Korea

My homeboy Dee left on Thursday morning. I would say that Dee has been my best friend over here and it sucks that he bounced back to Bushtopia. His departure helped me realize that I have been here a long fucking time. The relationships I have formed with the people around me in this country are only possible with time, emotional bonding and booze.

I share a bond with the other foreign teachers at my school just by the sheer virtue that we are all foreign together. We all have cards in our wallets labeling us "aliens" and we often feel like that is a correct label as we navigate through the streets of Seoul - sometimes this country feels like a whole different planet. Working together during the week, we share experiences inside the walls of the school as well as outside. We share many of the same frustrations, delights, laughs, taste in movies and music, and culture-shocks. We are often referred to at school as the "foreign teachers." It sounds silly to me now, but when I first arrived I thought that when people spoke of the foreign teachers they were talking about the Korean teachers. In my mind they were the foreigners and I was normal - boy was I wrong. It has become so ingrained in my head that I am foreign that I had some trouble one night at an ATM. You had to choose between "domestic" or "foreign" ATM cards on the main menu. I kept hitting "foreign" even though I was using the bank card from my "domestic" Korean bank account. I have some trouble viewing myself in any way as an unforeigner.

We all had an awkward incident last night as we left work on a Friday evening. Just by happenstance, about five of us foreigners walked out of the school at the same time as a crew of about ten Korean teachers and our afternoon boss. We all walked down the street together having discussions and mingling with co-workers - foreigners and Koreans walking and talking as one. It was quite delightful walking down a street I walk daily alone with a big group of friends and co-workers. Then, as we neared the subway station, all of the Koreans abruptly said goodbye, waved and walked in a restaurant together. They had no problem walking down the street with us (or maybe they did and they just hid their disguist of us dirty, smelly foreigners, reeking of freedom) but there was no way we would be invited in to dine with them or even made aware of their dinner plans. Awkward. Really made me feel like we were the outcasts - the unpopular kids in middle school, the jewish family at KCCC, the black guys trying out for the hockey team, the white guys trying out for the basketball team, the only sober guys at a crackhouse, a couple straight guys at a lesbian bar, the fat guys at an anorexia convention, the al-Qaeda members at an NRA rally in Kentucky - you get the picture.

Times like this are when I rely on my foreign group of friends. I didn't even want to go to dinner with the Koreans - we had plans to take the new teacher to barbecue in our neighborhood - but I just feel like these socially awkward situations happen often, are pretty fucked up and it's good to have people to whine to. And the fact that I have them to go out to dinner with when the Koreans ditch us is kinda nice too.

Outside of my group of friends at school, I have been here long enough to meet some other people around town. I've met up with some of Brick's old buddies, ran into an old Camp friend I've hung out with a few times and even made some friends of my own. After ten months in this land I'm starting to feel somewhat established as a resident of Seoul. It has happened more than once that I will be out at a bar and run into people I have met on other nights - I find it weird that I run into familiar faces in Seoul, Korea.

Tonight, I'm meeting up with a friend of a friend of a Kansas friend. We're going out to celebrate Canada Day Eve and see a couple bands that I dig over here. It'll be nice to meet some new people that speak my language and make my non-Korean, Korean circle of friends a little wider.

Much Love from Seoul

me

For an assignment last week, one of my middle school classes had to interview someone about their job and then write a report about it. Since I was the only one in the room with a job (lazy kids) I was the person they interviewed. I thought I might share some of what they came up with to write about after our group interview session. I thought this might give you some insight into my life and work in Korea. For the sake of journalistic integrity, I felt I should divulge the fact that I have combined their reports into one - but each sentence is still intact and in its original wording, spelling and capitalization:

kyle teacher is my ECC English teacher. kyle teache is twenty six years old. He is a teacher and he loves his job.

He teaches many classes. He likes a lot of kindergarden. He corrects homework and makes tests to them. Also he teaches us very kindly and funn. He also punishes bad students and meets parents. Also he founds the information and knows many things.

He needs to be patient. He thinks he is very happy and has no stress. He try to relax. His one of the bigges disadvantages of his job is that he is friends and family are far away from him. The main advantage of his job is he like to meet many children and give fun them and he is kind and smart very much.

I think he has a stressful job but he isn't he said I like my job. He likes kids, English and Korea.

Before you jump to any conclusions about my teaching abilities, I want you to understand that these kids have really improved their English skills in the past months. They have just begun tackling larger writings and I am pleased with their progress. English is their second language and they are all doing well with it. Plus, who do you think you are judging children like that? They're trying their best, so why don't you just lay off, asshole.

Life is good in Korea.

Much love from Seoul...

Fan Death

Let's get silly. I am about to teach you about something that may save your life. Or, it is just an ignorant Korean urban legend that affects virtually all Korean citizens. I have had discussions about this topic with well-educated co-workers who believe every word of it to be true.

The theory of fan death goes something like this: if a person is inside a sealed room - doors and windows closed - and they are utilizing a fan, within time they will die. Although there is little explanation beyond this basic theory, it is a widely-held belief. There are many death certificates with this in Korea cited as the official cause of death. Ask a Korean person how this is possible and they will have trouble explaining it, but that does not mean they will not believe it.

Now I'm no doctor (although as most of you know, I did major in nutrition in college) but I have a hard time believing this theory. There are theories that the carbon dioxide levels will rise due to the fan, there are theories that air blowing by your face will change the way you breath and there are theories that the fan will come to life and brutally attack you with whatever knife or chainsaw is available. I'm still not sure how possible any of these scenarios are, but I know that people around me in this country have warned me often about allowing a fan to run in my room. There is a genuine sense of concern when you tell people that you are opening yourself to the possibility of fan death.

I have racked my brain to find an equivalent belief in my homeland, but I have had trouble pin-pointing one. I think horoscopes and the belief that marijuana is worse than alcohol are approaching the same level of societal ignorance, but neither are as widespread or dumb.

For now, I'm not going to worry about it and I'm going to keep staying cool in my apartment during these warm summer months, but if I wind up dead and my fan was on, you all will know how it happened. Probably a heroin overdose...

Much love from Seoul

Movin' On Up

(I will write this blogging soon, but real quick I want to give an update from two blogs ago - the one about the alphabet. I just read the word "hangul" on the opening blogger page (that means "Korean.") I clicked on the box and found an option for English! I have been surrounded by nothing but Korean characters for the last seven months on blogger and I finally figured out how to put the site in my native tongue! I am so literate!)

I moved last Wednesday. I didn't move far, but the move has created a few problems. First off, I have had no internet until yesterday afternoon. Living on this side of the world, I rely on the internet to stay in contact with friends, family and information. Without it, I have felt a bit lost. It was great to get it up and running yesterday.

The apartment I moved to is just across the hall from my last apartment, but it is a much better living space. Before me, a married couple lived here, so it is obviously much bigger than the solo spot I had been inhabiting. The view is another reason I moved. In my last place, I could look out across an alley and see a rooftop or look down and see a trash pile. Neither were that appealing. Now, I have a view of the 63 Building, the tallest building in Korea and, because I live on the corner of the top floor, I can see it out of two windows instead of the standard one window each apartment in this building has. I can see for miles and feel like I am a little closer to the heart and the soul of the city. Now for the big kicker: I have a queen-sized bed. I am not what people refer to as a small man. I fit real well in a twin-sized bed up until about the age of eight. Sleeping in such a small bed for the last nine months has been a real pain in the ass.

The new place still has a lot of work. Some major shopping is in order this weekend to get this place equipped to deal with the hardcore bachelor life I hope to be living in it, but for now, it is a pleasant change. I am slowly turning it into my new home. I plan to stay in it until I move out of Korea next spring, so it seems well worth a little effort to make it my own.

It was ironic that I was moving last week, because for the last five years I have moved at generally the same time. Only instead of across the hall, I have moved across the country up to Wisconsin. There's a little plot of land up there that I love, and I have been experiencing some withdrawl lately knowing that good friends are congregating there. I know I shall return, but as I walk through the smog-filled, shit-smelling, hustling and bustling foreign streets of Seoul, I sometimes I wish I could be whisked away to the Lake in Wisconsin where life is pretty close to perfect.

For now, this is my home though. I had a weird moment the other day that helped me realize just how much it is my home. I was talking with friends about the whole situation with Mr. Kim Jong-Il and the North. As we were discussing I made the statement that ,"If they attacked us they would only be hurting themselves. They would have nothing to gain from attacking us." I paused for a moment and realized that I was including myself with the South Koreans. I was referring to the whole country and me as "us." There was no real thought process about doing it until it was done, and then it kind of freaked me out. But I guess there's no way around it: I'm a South Korean. My nine-month, halfway point came and went last weekend and I celebrated like any real Korean would. I drank a shitload of soju and made an ass out of myself.

Making both of my countries proud...

Much Love from Seoul

Everybody's Working for the Weekend

This is one of those bloggins that will help answer the question, "Does your family know about your blog?" I think this will give a clear, emphatic, "No!"

I had one of the best weekends of my life. Not just one of the best weekends in Korea, but one of the best of my life.

Friday brought one of the best orgasms of my life with my new Irish ladyfriend. Huge portions of the night were porno-quality. I feel that it is not necessary that I go any further, but let me just say it was an incredibly pleasurable experience. Hope to do it again. I wasn't feeling my best when I walked out of work, but the end of the night made me realize why I was put on this Earth.

Saturday morning brought another delicious orgasm (this admission is why I say my parents are not aware of this - and if they are, they just stopped reading. If they did not stop reading they are repulsed beyond belief. I mean, there's a decent chance they can read over one orgasm, but two?) I spent an hour on the subway heading home, reading the paper and glowing in manner I have not in Korea. I got home and prepared myself for a dinner the boss lined up at one of the best Italian restaurants in Seoul.

I realize that I live in Asia, so a great Italian meal may not seem attainable, but I also live in one of the biggest cities in the world. Although there is not an immense amount of diversity here, there are surprises in certain corners. The restaurant we dined at was one of those surprises.

We had a five course meal chosen by my boss. Everything was accompanied by different delicious red wines. Start to finish it was one of the best meals I have ever had in my life - scallops, mushroom soup, seafood pasta, steak and cake. The main course of beef tenderloin steak was delicious. I come from the land of cows, so I have had difficulty finding acceptable beef in this country, but this dinner was unreal - artfully presented and pleasing for the taste buds. Good times with good food and good friends. I expected great things out of the dinner and everything put in front of me exceded my expectations.

After dinner, four of us roamed the streets of Apgujong, known as the Beverly Hills of Seoul. I was looking for a brewery that Atwood and I stumbled across a while ago. It took over an hour and a pit stop at a wine bar to find the joint, but the wait was well worth it. I definitely drank the best beer I have had in Korea. We did a sampler that had six beers - everything other than the pilsner was out of this world. I love beer and this place had beer that made me happy.

I played some great tennis today under a sky full of sun and fluufy clouds. Dee and I had the courts to ourselves and God was smiling on us. It was a perfect day to be outside - and tennis was only the beginning. We bought some Salmon Milano at Costco after tennis and grilled up some of the most delicious seafood I have had in Korea (way better than live octopi.) Nothing says summer like delicous grilled meats with friends and drinks.

There was some intense internal conflict going on inside my head a few weeks ago when I wrote about being totally alone in this country. It is still true to a certain degree, but weekends like this one remind me why I chose to be so far away from home and all the people and places I love. I am getting closer to me and learning things about life that cannot be learned anywhere other than Korea, and that is a good thing. I reach my halfway point in a week, which is perfect because I feel like I am about halfway along in my quest...

I miss you all
In Kansas, Wisconsin and elsewhere
Much love from Seoul