Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Seoul Survivor

It's been awhile since I've written anything. I was hoping I would have something more positive to say than my last posting, but my mood hasn't improved all that much.

I hit my one-year mark this past weekend. I didn't do much to celebrate. To be honest, I am now quite regretting my decision to stay. I really want to leave Korea, but it sure looks like I am going to be stuck here for another half year.

I'm not sure if I am just experiencing these feelings because I know that I could have gone home last weekend and they will go away once I get back into the swing of things, or if they are going to be a permanent problem.

One of the big things I have noticed is a clash of emotions I feel. Being here for a year, I now feel like a resident. Seoul and Korea are my home. I am used to them and feel like this is where I live. At the same time, I feel more and more alienated from the population. I am viewed as an outsider and a foriegner once I walk out the door of my apartment, but in my own head I see myself as one of them. I consider myself a part of this country, but am realizing that I am not seen that way by the populace. This is a frustrating fact to realize.

The mystery bumps that took over my body a couple weeks ago have mostly gone, but I have been experiencing other problems that have made my life difficult. I am powerless to help myself when it comes to most things in Korea. Again, at first I found delight in the challenge of succeding in a foreign land, but now it just frustrates me and makes me yearn for home.

Also, since most contracts in Korea last for a year, virtually everyone I was friends with when I came to Korea have left. A good Scottish friend had her big goodbye night out this last weekend and headed back to her home. It sucks that every time I make a good friend over here they disappear.

My world in Korea is constantly evolving and changing. I guess I need to be optimistic and realize that in the natural ebb and flow of my life over here, this valley I am stuck in will eventually turn into a hill and I will be back on top of the world again. I just hope I find myself there soon.

Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer...

Much love from Seoul

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